Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:date:
 

Recall Me Sun Flowers - a poem by ~echo-si:iconecho-si:


©2003-2009 ~echo-si
:iconecho-si:

Artist's Comments

The image can be found at [link] I DID NOT DRAW IT. ^_^ I just wrote the poem inspired by the image (among other things) for the Hidden Qualities contest. PLEASE critique the poem, it needs it.

Thanks ^_^

~~~

Recall Me Sun-flowers


I was staring at the dust of the moon
when you said she was painted
lazy, that they all are,
being born closer to the sun.

And now my brushes paint flowered recollections
in the remnants of that dusty sun,
and I wonder if it ever mattered
that you were a bigot
against the star-struck skies,

caught now in the swirl of our sun-puddle ashes.

From here I watch it all go by,
thinking about everglade
extinction, and black panthers
with their invisible spots
decayed in yesterday’s Eden

reborn of elemental dust,
treeless for her three billion year gestation

and the hue of my spots still doesn’t matter.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icondragonorion:
Beautiful job, echo. I love the concept of it, and especially the last line.
Did you send a copy to the artist of the image?

~Orion

--
zerflin: [link]
:iconpupasoul:
Wow that is very good. It paints great images in my mind.
:icondevilicious:
OMG

see - now THAT is poetry.

i don't know what to say except that i was in nature and then i was in painting and then i was human and then i was BLOWN AWAY by the last line

knowing its you and a love for art and nature - its just beyond perfect

+favlove

(jealous - i write but i don't do poetry really - not imagery like this Worship )

--
**art requires an open mind**
:iconsilverfoot:
i know you asked for critique...but maybe it's because i'm used to you being the critic and not the other way around, but i can't really find any holes... the only thing that sticks out is the one-liner in the middle. there's nothing wrong with it...it's just noticeable because it's all alone. or did you intend for it to be that way. the ending is good because it returns to the spots, and...you used dust twice. normally, i hate people who use the same words over, but you did it in an unobtrusive manner. hmm...ok i read it about five times, and i think it's almost a departure in its wholeness. sometimes what you write has bits and pieces that stick out like shards of glass, but this fits neatly.
have a cookie.
btw..thanks for the comments...i can always use them. who the hell is god anyway?
:icondoomit:
A picture with words
spoken out loud
your painting without a brush
or even a canvas.

-doomit

--
I AM NOT IN CONTROL!

-Doomit
:iconldemosthenes:
and I thought it was good in the forums?! Wow.

Snooping around here b/c I wanted to see the finished product.

*floored*

I really like that you added this last line: "and the hue of my spots still doesn’t matter."

it just makes it. congrats on a great work.

--
here lies one whose name was writ in water
:iconsirensin:
ooo this is gooood.

i think i have a really random out-there reading on this, but here goes...

artists are born closer to the sun...closer to the light in life, yet more likely to be burnt up by it. they shun the "star-struck skies"--the ignorant masses.

and yea i lose it after that, which makes me think i am completely making meaning up here, but i like it for the meaning that i got from it :) (Smile)

the hue of my spots still doesn't matter...the invisible signs of my individuality do not matter, because even if they weren't invisible, you wouldn't care, for to you, we are all the same.

lol forgive the randomness. i think i'll +fav this, though, i adore the meaning i got from it, even if i did pull it out of my ass, so to speak ;) (Wink)

--
i will paint you in silver. i will wrap you in cold.
:iconldemosthenes:
and I +favlove ed btw. :D (Big Grin)

--
here lies one whose name was writ in water
:iconfallingsilver:
I only get bits and pieces of it, but I like the whole thing. yay w00t!

--
***
For all poets: [link]

Details

May 29, 2003
143 KB
1024×768

Statistics

28
19 [who?]
2,565 (0 today)

Share

Link
Embed
Thumb

Site Map