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even faeries grow up by ~echo-si:iconecho-si:





even faeries grow up

frolic! outcries and wet
cold grasses. dewdrops
giggle.nighttime backyard.

ankle deep in piano
keys and profoundly
unprofound experimental
poems
time warping half nude,
swallowing britpop
sugarcoatedlollipopcandy

smiles.

didn't know
flirtation. or she,
chest to cheek
kissing Sappho,
skirting patchwork faeries
tales of gossamer
lost.
©2003-2009 ~echo-si
:iconecho-si:

Author's Comments

the story of a girl...
actually, I'm looking to improve this one so I'd appreciate any criticism/critique

^_^

*edit 4 Feb. 04
Adding a screenshot.

Critique eternally welcome.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconimpeccablesin:
I absolutely love this. The form and imagery is absolutely beautiful. Keep up the good work.
:iconvespera:
beautifully written, great images! =D (Big Grin) I like how some sentences carry over more than a line =D (Big Grin)

--
Your musky lips, cramping smoke into halos,
love to finger obscenities and slander. I am a bitch now.
Don’t touch her now, this thing of waste. She’s
Empty. She’s full of spite.
:icontyrus:
Interesting distortion effect around the middle of the piece here. Was that intentional? Coz it almost blurs the line between childhood and adulthood. At the beginning and end it polarises to just images though, which could be expanded on by including feelings indicative of the respective states. This would emphasise the emotional and psychological differences between the two.

--
Know your DeviantArt
Learn the Way of the Forums
:iconecho-si:
Yeah, it is supposed to be a fuzy line.
I'll definitly take your advice into account. Thank you!

--
do your part. love your mother. :earth:

:peace:
:icondevilicious:
love that long stanza!!!

i'd work on the movement again and rhythm and makeit not as frantic but a bit more soft rollicking fun......

wow -you did a good job of taking me somewhere - you truly do write beautiful imagery:heart:

--
**art requires an open mind**
:icongreenfrog:
I can not say anything, couse it is so beautiful... opps I said somthing :)
:iconjahluv:
Just keep on writing!

1heart
:iconamyfae:
Grow up? Whatever. I'm lucky I can do my own laundry. *grin* You know I love this piece.

Details

January 13, 2003
589 bytes
48.3 KB
410×307

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